4 Steps to Follow When You Can’t Give Your Kid What They Want

What happens when my kids want something that I can’t give them?

Maybe I’m simply not able to.

Or, dare I say, I just don’t want to.

Well, that brings up a whole slew hurdles.

How do I respond thoughtfully here, without falling into old patterns?

How do I set a clear boundary that doesn’t feel rejecting to my kid?

How do I balance my kids needs with my own in a conscious and considerate way?

There are four key steps you can take to go from feeling overwhelm, and even at times under attack, to feeling calm, in control and connected:

Step 1

Figure out your triggers, so that instead of reacting automatically to your kids bid, you can take pause, get clear and organized and respond thoughtfully.

Step 2

What’s really going on here? For you, and for your kid. In my daughter’s case, seeing me at school and anticipating my departure was bringing up some symptoms of separation anxiety. That brings up for me my own felt experience of separation and loss. Being aware of what comes off for me with understanding and acceptance helps me recognize my daughter’s emotional experience and to respond with compassion, and comfort. That doesn’t mean she gets what she wants, but it does mean that she can feel safe in emotional self, whether her emotions are big or small.

Step 3

I have to be clear on my boundaries. I need to know and honor what I need. Acknowledge what my kids needs to be fulfilled in this request (in the case of my little one, she wants proximity to mama so she doesn’t have to feel the anxiety of separation). I also need to protect the integrity of our relationship; keep it safe and containing so that my kids know that they can count on me and feel at ease to grow and be themselves.

Step 4

At the end of the day, the connections I build in the day to day interactions with my kids are ultimately what shape them. Keeping our connection in mind is key when it comes to managing these day to day battles of will.

If you live in the Jerusalem area, check out my upcoming program Parent with Confidence where you will learn how to develop and apply these steps in your relationships with your kids. www.parentwithconfidencecourse.com
Early bird 🐦 price ends October 31st 🎃

Liba Lurie

Hey there, I'm Liba

I’m a psychologist, a mother of 4 and the creator of Motherhood in the Makingand I help moms reconnect with themselves so they can enjoy life and raise happy kids who thrive.

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