Don't you just wish that there was a button you could press to get your kids to do what needs to be done?
Then you wouldn't have to muster up the energy and go to battle, am I right?
Most parenting experts will tell you what to DO when the shit hits the fan.
But not this one over here!
I'm here to give you tools and guidance.
So you won't be dependent on me, or anyone else, to tell you what to do.
Instead, you will know, in yourself, what is right, what feels good and what brings you closer in connection with your kids.
So let's talk about how to get your kids to cooperate.
1. You CAN'T control your kids!
I know, it's probably not what you want to hear.
And it's a fact that you probably already know:
You can't make your kids do anything.
They are their own people, with their own will, wants, wishes and desires.
It's important to remember this fun fact so that instead of getting stuck on the couch, thinking, "I can't do this!" and "I'm the worst!".
You stay connected to what you CAN control:
Which is the way you relate to yourself.
That means that when you have to get your kids moving, but all you want to do is vegetate, you can speak to yourself (I literally talk to myself) and say:
It's okay that you don't want to parent right now.
It's okay that you need more space for yourself.
It's okay that you wish you didn't have to take care of these kids right now.
You are seriously suspending judgment and letting yourself know it's okay to be where you're at.
When you give yourself the comfort and compassion you need, it makes those moments when you have to motivate your kids into action more manageable.
2. If it feels like you're in a battle, it's because you are!
So you know that you're not a shitty mom because you don't want to get your kids moving.
But you also know that it's getting late, and you have to get those kids to bed if there's any chance of getting a moment alone.
That's when it can feel like you’re bracing yourself for a battle.
But here's the thing.
The battle isn't with your kids.
The battle is within your SELF.
That means there are different parts of you, bringing opposing directives, at the same time.
That overwhelmed part of you says, "I just want to hide away".
Another part of you says, "You can't stop! Just push on through!"
Whatever your experience, it's important.
And it needs a space to feel seen, and safe to express itself.
So when you need to get the ball rolling, but feel stuck.
Take a moment, and a breath, and reflect on your internal experience.
Remember: We're not here to judge.
We're here to identify the many parts of you.
Give them a voice.
And ask them what they're doing here.
Pro tip: they're trying to protect you.
Because showing up authentically in your relationships can be scary, especially if you don't have the experience of emotionally present, predictable, and understanding caregivers.
(yup, that stuff from your childhood really does stick around)
This is not a reflection of you.
It's just the way it works.
If no one was there for you as a kid, you will struggle to be there for yourself, especially in those challenging moments with your kids.
It's all happening under the surface of course
So take a moment to recognize the conflicting parts.
Let yourself know that you are entitled to your experience at this moment .
And extend some love and compassion to yourself.
So you can consciously engage with your kids.
3. Who's the boss?
Once you recognize that you're not in control.
And you've given yourself permission to know about your own individual experience.
You can now step up and take the reins.
Because at the end of the day
You, my friend, are the boss!
That means that you are the captain of the ship, and your kids need you to steer them home.
The responsibility can feel overwhelming.
But it also offers you an anchor.
It’s reminder of who you are to these kids, and who you want to be.
And it reminds you that, at the end of the day, your kids need you to show up for them, and show them the way.
When you say, "Guys, it's 7 o'clock. Time for bed."
You are declaring the destination.
And you're available to help them get there.
I know how hard it is to step up as the captain of the ship when you feel like you're sinking, but I also know that it's possible.
Not only is it possible, but it feels really good too.
I have helped 100s of women get to the root of their struggle so they can feel less overwhelmed and more in control amidst the daily demands of life.
If you want to get to the bottom of your parenting struggle, so you can feel less conflicted, and more confident that you're building lasting relationships with your kids, click here to book a consultation call.
Together, we will help you decide if working together is the right fit for your needs.
And if it’s not, I’ll refer you to support that's a better match.